Jason Keller's Journal

Why wasn't Mr. Dixon in class today? Does anyone know what's going on? He wasn't sick or anything the other day.

His car isn't here, either.

I have a note. From my doctor.

My mom sent it to me so I wouldn't have a bad reaction to those pills. I'm not taking them. First off, it's highly unlikely it would have any sort of effect on the preference of a person toward one gender or another. It's much more likely that they simply inhibit libido and possibly balance hormones out so that the people taking them are more stable.

Secondly, I'm allergic to just about every kind of medication out there, so mom just sent me this note saying my doctor advises against me taking anything - especially something experimental.

So, I'm not taking them.

I thought Goldfinch was supposed to be a kind of safe haven for us.

I cut my hand today.

Two days of not using it, and then a week of keeping it wrapped and only doing light work.

Stupid box cutter. And stupid stitches itch.

I both like and hate my job at the same time. I mean, the people are great here, and I love working with the plants.

The only problem is that we throw away so many 'cause we just can't take care of them and keep re-potting them all the time. And if they don't sell, and they're annuals, they'll just die and we have to throw them away. I took home a little potted pansy today. I don't even know why. Maybe 'cause it's really pretty and is all purple and yellow.

I'm not getting sunburned anymore, though. That's good. The other day Andrew and I had to haul three pallets of mulch from the loading dock to the display area up front. Then we had to take them off the pallets and rearrange them. It was, like, 1600 pounds or something, all in 10 and 20 pound bags.

I swear we're both gonna be totally developed in terms of muscles by the end of the summer.

Caitlin, one of our managers, is having a barbecue at her house to celebrate her husband's promotion and just to have a summer party. We're all invited, but right now I'm not sure if I'm gonna go.

I got a cell phone.

It's pretty cool. I mean, it's nothing special compared to other phones, but it's nice to have one.

Mom called me at the dorm and said that they're not coming up to visit after all. Well, the family isn't. Mom's coming to visit, but dad has some convention he has to go to, and they're sending my sister up to some camp in the middle of nowhere in Colorado for two months.

Why did they even have kids? I mean, if they didn't want us, why have us, right?

Well, at least she apologized. She sounded pretty sad on the phone, too. And she suggested we go down to St. Louis or something for my birthday.

That'll be cool.

I finished the last of my finals today.

That means there's only one more day of school and it's over for the year. I'm not going home. Not that anyone cares one way or another. Well, nobody who doesn't know already, that is.

The 'rents are gonna pick me up for the weekend of my birthday, and we're going somewhere. I think it's kind of an obligatory thing. I know dad doesn't particularly want to see me. Mom's probably forcing him to come along. I'm sure last minute, he'll find some excuse. The rest of the time I'll be here.

Until I graduate, apparently.

Only three more days and I'll be in for the longest summer on record.

I hate this.

I'm done studying.


Period.

My final papers are finished and even though I'm not sure about my art final, at least it's unique. I'm never taking another art class again. Can't stand the other students, and since they all think my work sucks, I'm not gonna let them see any more.

Saw Caleb out in the quad the other day from the library window. He was talking to this girl. I don't know who she is, but they looked really good together. He's really handsome and deserves someone equally good-looking.

I've been reading this book on fractals. Most of my final art project is based on fractals, so it's helped out a lot.

Do any of you guys have a copy of the assignment for Physics? I know it was a paper, and I chose to do mine on String Theory, but I can't find the sheet that says how many pages, or how he wants it formatted.

Caleb, do you think we could go for a soda or something this afternoon? I talked to Mr. Thibaud, and he says it's alright. For, um, you know. He's gotta talk to Mr. Krauss about it, though.


I got a letter from home today. Looks like I'll be here all summer. Although, they said they'll be coming up at random times to check on me unannounced. I hate them. Hate what they do to me. Tying me down to this place all Summer? And they're taking my sister to Florida. Not telling me when, of course.

I have so much homework to do today, but I just can't seem to concentrate. It's hard to think of anything with so much stuff going on in the social life. Not just mine, but others, as well. I don't even know what to think anymore.

Things were so much easier when I didn't have a social life. When I didn't have any friends, or anyone to think about, I could get TONS of work done.

Gotta start on my History paper.

Maybe I should color code my note cards. At least I can concentrate enough to do that.

I Feel sick. Really sick. I dont' know if it's something I ate, or a stomach virus, or what, but it feels like I'm hot and cold at the same time. Mr. Thibaud said I didn't look well and told me to go to the nurse, but the bell rang on my way over there and I didn't want to be late for class.

I'll go after school today.

Hey, um, Gabe... Do you want to hang out after school sometime? Not today, but... I kinda wanted to ask you about something.

Scott, I think you left some of your stuff in my locker this morning. I'll get it to you tonight.

Miss Heart, I don't know if you're reading this or not, but I'm not feeling very well. I don't think I can help you out today. I'm going to go home and sleep.

It's been a pretty eventful weekend. I mean, what with all the drama and stuff. I really didn't expect any of it, although I should have seen something that coming.

Anyway, I wanted to apologize to those of you who got in trouble 'cause of me. The last thing I wanted was for other people to get punished just 'cause some other guy's being mean.

The bruise on my side looks pretty bad. At first I thought it was just really sore, but now I'm wondering if I should have the nurse look at it. I might go in today after third period, during lunch.

So, everyone's talking about this dance, and I finally have enough money to go. Well, more than enough. I mean, I earned $14 on tuesday working for Miss Heart, and then she told Mr. Thibaud that I was looking for work, so I helped him with his database of fossils (he's got a really cool collection), and I made another $28!!

Anyway, I have money for the dance now, and wanted to ask Ella... but apparently she's going with JJ. I guess that makes sense. I mean he's pretty handsome and all, and she really deserves someone who's handsome and popular. He's even on the basketball team.

I kind of still want to go just to see how she dresses and what color her hair will be. I think she'd be really pretty in a yellow dress with green hair and gold in her piercings. I don't think I could imagine her in a dress, but some yellow and black plaid would be great on her.

It doesn't matter now anyway, does it? I guess I'll just save the money for later.

I'm up early, I know. Was hoping to catch the sunrise service at church. I have to go meet with the pastor and have him send an email to my dad saying that I went. Hopefully he'll do that. I mean, I went last week, and met him, and he seemed like a nice enough guy.

The only problem is that I'll miss breakfast. I was going to save my granola bars for emergency food when I'm out working on homework or wandering or something, but I guess I'll have one of them on my way to church.

Hmmm. I guess I'll spend the rest of the day doing homework. I already got physics, stats, and history homework done. I suppose I could read some more in English. It would just get me a little ahead.

Maybe I'll go out into the woods and get myself lost today.

David is gone for three days. He'll be back on Monday, apparently. I'm actually quite relieved. When I transferred here, I didn't expect to get stuck with such an awful roommate. He's loud, obnoxious, drinks too much, smokes dope, and expects me to cover for him at all odd hours of the night and morning.

I wish there was something I could do to get rid of him, but I'm afraid I'll probably be stuck with him for the rest of this semester and possibly over the summer.

Mom and dad don't want me back for Easter, so I'll be here. Dad said he's gonna call the pastor to make sure I go to church Sunday morning.

Sometimes I wonder if I was adopted.

Why do people have to be such idiots? Last period I have art class. Okay, so I'm not artistically inclined. I know that. The stupid thing is, though, that everyone has to take two art/music/performance electives, so I'm stuck with it. Since I don't play an instrument and can't sing, and there's no way I can perform in front of people.

Anyway, so I take this art class, and we go out to draw stuff, and this girl comes up and starts ragging on me about how bad my drawing is. Well, no shit, Sherlock, I'm no artist. I was drawing based on the general principles of science and mathematics, working within the realms I understand, drawing the structures of the space and finding relationships between objects using a points on the grid system.

Math stuff, yeah? Really basic geometry and trig.

Anyway, I kind of explained to her what I was doing, told her to go away, and then the teacher comes over and asks me if I wanted a glass of water.

He means well, but I just want to get through this semester and on to the next one and then one more, and I'll be done with school and can go on to college.

I'm going back out to that creek to draw again tonight. With daylight savings time, I should have enough time to get some more drawing done before it's too dark to find my way back.

Hopefully if I do more, he'll count it as extra credit and I can get a decent grade even though all my art projects suck.

I keep thinking I should have signed up for Trig instead of Stats. Something about margins of error and sample sizes just don't sit right with me. I mean, how can 50 people be a good sample size for a survey that has so many variables, and is meant to study an entire nation of people? Even when taking demographics and location into account.

Jeez!

Love my Science class, and teacher. History sucks, but at least Mr. Dixon is cool. Although he interrupts himself and is kind of weird.

Speaking of weird, English has, like, the weirdest teacher ever. He should be in a zombie movie.

I'm kind of diggin' German, though. Although I still can't seem to get any of the pronunciations right, at least I'm learning a lot about German culture. It's kind of cool.

I guess that's all. Um, I'm not gonna tell the 'rents about this journal, so if anyone sees me in the halls and finds this and knows who I am, it's okay to talk to me and all.